Hi there Beautiful You,
How are you doing this week?
I’ve been taking a lot of time out in the past week to spend time rejuvenating.
YES – switching off my notifications and resting. And treating myself. And just being.
Taking time out is one of the most important things we can ever do for ourselves in creating a successful business.
The popular social media quote “nothing will work unless you do” to me doesn’t just mean that we need to be at work, but that we actually need to work, that is, to function.
And function we do when we allow ourselves play and rest.
Allowing ourselves play and rest is a symptom of liking ourselves, of self-love, and a sustainable way of living and working.
We return with focus and energy, honouring our business integrity and the gift of our lives equally.
For me, it didn’t always used to be this way, and whilst I was on my break, I thought a bit about what it now means to me to be successful.
The wise Maya Angelou’s quote:
“Success is liking you, liking what you do, and how you do it”, truly sums it up for me.
But a while back I would not have had a clue what she meant.
What I feel that Maya is sharing with us is that success is first and foremost about loving ourselves and from there, everything else springs.
The very first step to loving ourselves is of course feeling enough.
When we feel enough we have a sense of peace.
And absolutely anything is possible from a place of peace.
For most of my life, I did in no way shape or form believe that I was enough, and today – miraculously – my whole business is about helping you to feel enough so that you can manifest what truly matters to you: embrace your power and step into your greatness and share your message with the world. That is what Wish Tree is about. And to me that’s about helping you overcome and become similar things to what I myself have overcome and become.
In my previous life, I searched for peace outside of myself, by trying to make everyone else around me happy, and prove to myself that there was a point to my existence.
As well as a lot of love, courage, humour, generosity and creativity, my family dynamics also included traumatic abandonment which almost led to my mother miscarrying me at 6 months pregnant, a severely toxic narcissistic relationship and different mental health issues, all which led to an ocean of shame engulfing me for as long as I can remember.
I came to hold a core belief about myself about not being enough.
Whilst on the outside I became a star scholar and high achiever, inside myself I was deep into that which some coaches might call the awful zone, and I was engaging in some very destructive behaviours.
By not knowing that I was enough, I made myself ill in so many ways.
Then one day 8 years ago, standing in my mother’s hallway – exhausted, numb, confused, angry, depleted – I heard a voice, loud and clear, in my head that spoke of Death.
‘You will die if you carry on like this’ the message spoke: “You will die”. “Your life will be over”.
This moment was the beginning of the end of slowly killing myself. But things had to get a lot worse before I could fully begin my healing journey back to me.
Things that included both heartbreaking death (just not mine) and more betrayal. I may tell you about that another time.
On my journey towards recovery, healing and peace – towards knowing that I am enough and to loving myself – I’ve come to learn the meaning of Maya Angelou’s quote in practice.
That is that when we like (or love) ourselves, we will start making choices that will lead to doing things we like, or even love, just because we love them – and that when we do things we love and love how we do them, we step into a higher vibration frequency which in turn attracts more abundance into our lives, whether that is in the form of wonderful people, more money or new experiences, or all of those things.
Equally, when we don’t like or love ourselves, we will make unconscious choices that might please others but don’t nurture us.
I know all about this. Maybe you do too.
When we begin to love ourselves we start making choices towards doing things we love (for example starting our own coaching or wellness business) but we may still struggle with HOW we do things (we may undercharge, not allow ourselves to be seen, say yes when we mean no, have sloppy boundaries, over- deliver, feel exhausted, over-spend money, the list goes on).
Do you like yourself, what you do, but not how you do it?
You are not alone. We have all been there.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You deserve to love HOW you do things too.
That is Peace.
That is Success.
You deserve it.
WE ALL DO.
And it all starts with liking you, just a little bit more.
I recently shared Maya Angelou’s quote on the Wish Tree Academy Facebook page, maybe you saw it? Many of you have been resonating with it. But one person told me that: “Narcissists would agree with you, and please stop telling us what to do”.
Now I’m actually super grateful to this person for misunderstanding my message, because it means I am now writing to you about one of my favourite topics – which is of course this whole business of being enough and how it changes everything for us when we know it, really know it.
The person who misunderstood me (or Maya rather!) had of course no idea that I have A LOT of experience of narcissism and what I do know without a shadow of a doubt is that narcissists, deep down, don’t like themselves at all – very often they have been raised to believe that they are not worthy of love and belonging and the narcissistic condition acts like a great big psychological shield from this core belief. That is not self-love. That is self-loathing in disguise.
They unconsciously do their best at times to pass on their core belief of not being enough to others, by making sure we know that in their eyes, we are never enough, no matter how hard we try, no matter what we do.
The chaos we create for ourselves when we believe we are not enough is far-reaching. When we are in a place of believing we are not enough, we find it hard to listen to our Spirit. And we find it hard to take time out to just be, to just live, to play and to rest.
The moment we begin the process of liking ourselves just a bit more, we are on the road to success in the most profound and meaningful way possible.
On the road to FREEDOM.
I now know what that means, and I boy do I want it for you too.
Thank you Maya.
With My Love